What Of Dubai...

Its been a good few days dwelling in the Arabian Delights of Dubai; certainly a very different way to spend christmas.

To keep it breif, the plus points:

• Good weather, excellent customer service, and beautifully presented.

And, negative Points:

• All the taxi drivers, drive like looneys!
• Many streets in Burj Dubai feel the same, causing a temporary sense of dislocation.

In all honesty I do like Dubai, the soothing tones of the locals being called to prayer and the ideal blend of pleasant, but not roasting weather, has made for a really relaxing and wonderous time! Which leads me to my final points, things I will remember the most:

• The amount the locals "honk" each other as they drive - its like a competition of who can toot their horn the most - very funny!
  
• Mistaking an Arabic version of a Szechuan for an English version of a Szechuan - Ouch!
  
• ...rediscovering the delights of relaxing and doing what the hell you want! Thank God for Starworld movie channel - Geez I've been watching some crap!
  
• Rekindling my love for water parks - even when they do rip the seat out your pants - isn't that right Chep? ;)
  

Non -Stop Non-Stopping!

I think its safe to say the last few weeks have been non-stop. So many funny things have happened, thats its almost too much to come out of one persons mouth. But above all I do have to admit the two drunk tramps shagging on the Audi does beat all events hands down (and trousers!)

We only have 5 days to go, and as much as it must be killing people with the amount we are saying we are tired - there's no two ways about it - we're absolutely knackered. Every now and then I raise my head and think "what the hell are we doing?", but in as much as I have the voice of the Nancy Queen of Mordor screaming that in my brain, I do have the silky tones of Barry White saying "Good things come to those who wait".

For my sake, sanity and libido - I hope your right Barry!

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry

This ones for those out there who had some misconceived perception of me being some kind of knuckle-dragging alpha male.

When I was in school some ten years ago (eeek!) , I was so terrified by the thought of injections I did the following:

• Told the nurse I was allergic to them
• Told the nurse I had already had them
• Feigned Illness (and didn't go to the nurse)
  

Having had a few years to mature (a little), and come to terms with the fact that injections are inescapable, I decided to book myself in for a few inoculations pending my journey to Oz. Bravely I agreed to have the Hep A, Typhoid and BCG (yep I skipped that beauty too).

Tuesday came around and it was Hep A & Typhoid (combined - still not that brave) and also the Mantoux test (the first step of the BCG). Off I trotted to the Premier Medical Centre in Knowle and bravely sat whilst stabbed in both arms. On the whole I was fine, not a trembling lip in sight - so proud!

Then...Thursday - which meant either I have a raised lump where the Mantoux test was done, or I'm having the BCG. No lump, so off I trot back to Knowle with Chep in tow. Nurse inspects my arm, little too thoroughly to be honest, considering were looking for a lump (I thought she must have 3D blindness!). Then in she pops the needle, wangles it round a bit then job done. No tears, no trembling lip, no conciousness!

Rule of thumb, your brain may be able to handle things that your body can't...bugger!

Motorway Relaxation

I made a miraculous discovery today, one which I thought would never be possible. To give you some background...

Despite having a tenuous interest in football (one which only reaches as far as international matches) I do aspire to enjoy one of the football superstar fringe benefits....fast cars. So much so that my first thought on getting into any car is "I wonder how fast this goes, how well is handles, what the bhp is". You can imagine the natural extrapolation of this thought pattern...yes 120mph+ glimpses of road flashing under the bonnet of any car able to do it.

Taking a step back from that brief insight into the "what does is for me" topic, you can imagine how thrown I was when I found myself in an almost tantric heaven whilst cruising at a oap-speed of 50 - 60 mph on the motorway. Cars and lorries alike blasting past me in a stress-fueled hurry to not be late for their "pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey" planned deadlines.

I could not have felt more relaxed....with the sun on my face, I wanted my journey to last forever...or at least until dinner time ;)

The Bloginator 5000

With every drop of common sense squeezed out of me during my day at work, it goes unsaid that on the best part i'm commonly left with an obscure and nonsensical state of mind through out my evenings.

On a particularly deluded thursday night last week, it came to me that Chep deserved a bit of a treat....so I decided explaining to her that I had found a miraculous piece of software called "The Bloginator 5000"...

Chep: "What does it do?"
Me: "Well, it writes your blog for you"
Chep: "What's the point in that?"
Me: "It's if you can't be bothered to write a blog. You know, you create an account and you write your firt post then you think...hmm I can't be arsed now. So you install the bloginator"
Chep: "So why would you create a blog in the first place?"

It was about here, I thought....she's actually going for this....this is great!

Me: "Because .... well why not...you just feel like it!"
Chep: "That doesn't make sense??"
Me: "Imagine you go on holiday, it can write your blog whilst you are unable to. Its genius..."
Chep: "What does it write?"
Me: "Random stuff...news, politics,...food"


...and it was about here I thought, you losing it, its going horribly wrong and if she hasn't figured out your full of crap by now then the your sheer self-admiration will soon reveal itself in the only tragic way i know how..

Laughing at my own joke....damn fool...if you could only keep a straight face...I'd make millions!

Albino Beauty....

Me: *Whistling the theme tune to black beauty*...."Black Beauty"
Mr Bogus: "Rasputin?"
Mr Mc: "Yeah that's it"...*Sings theme tune to Black Beauty*..."that was the one with the white horse wasn't it?"
Me: "Yeah....Albino Beauty"

Sometimes you just can't get the staff....

When You Have Too Much Time...

OK so everyone starts doing this blogging thing right, and you think "Oh really, don't you have better things to do...?". Then one lonely Monday evening, when your sitting around, relaxing suddenly something grabs you....with cold, wet, slimy hands it whispers in your ear..."Create a blog, and they will read". So low and behold I do it, delighted to discover that Chep then lets go of me and dries her hands (bless her). Not that i don't relish the delights of a good pair of cold, wet, slimy hands but there is a time and a place...

Welcome my children, together we shall laugh and cry, both at the same time to the same things...what a wonderful world the Internet is......CUT!