Motorway Relaxation

I made a miraculous discovery today, one which I thought would never be possible. To give you some background...

Despite having a tenuous interest in football (one which only reaches as far as international matches) I do aspire to enjoy one of the football superstar fringe benefits....fast cars. So much so that my first thought on getting into any car is "I wonder how fast this goes, how well is handles, what the bhp is". You can imagine the natural extrapolation of this thought pattern...yes 120mph+ glimpses of road flashing under the bonnet of any car able to do it.

Taking a step back from that brief insight into the "what does is for me" topic, you can imagine how thrown I was when I found myself in an almost tantric heaven whilst cruising at a oap-speed of 50 - 60 mph on the motorway. Cars and lorries alike blasting past me in a stress-fueled hurry to not be late for their "pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey" planned deadlines.

I could not have felt more relaxed....with the sun on my face, I wanted my journey to last forever...or at least until dinner time ;)

The Bloginator 5000

With every drop of common sense squeezed out of me during my day at work, it goes unsaid that on the best part i'm commonly left with an obscure and nonsensical state of mind through out my evenings.

On a particularly deluded thursday night last week, it came to me that Chep deserved a bit of a treat....so I decided explaining to her that I had found a miraculous piece of software called "The Bloginator 5000"...

Chep: "What does it do?"
Me: "Well, it writes your blog for you"
Chep: "What's the point in that?"
Me: "It's if you can't be bothered to write a blog. You know, you create an account and you write your firt post then you think...hmm I can't be arsed now. So you install the bloginator"
Chep: "So why would you create a blog in the first place?"

It was about here, I thought....she's actually going for this....this is great!

Me: "Because .... well why not...you just feel like it!"
Chep: "That doesn't make sense??"
Me: "Imagine you go on holiday, it can write your blog whilst you are unable to. Its genius..."
Chep: "What does it write?"
Me: "Random stuff...news, politics,...food"


...and it was about here I thought, you losing it, its going horribly wrong and if she hasn't figured out your full of crap by now then the your sheer self-admiration will soon reveal itself in the only tragic way i know how..

Laughing at my own joke....damn fool...if you could only keep a straight face...I'd make millions!

Albino Beauty....

Me: *Whistling the theme tune to black beauty*...."Black Beauty"
Mr Bogus: "Rasputin?"
Mr Mc: "Yeah that's it"...*Sings theme tune to Black Beauty*..."that was the one with the white horse wasn't it?"
Me: "Yeah....Albino Beauty"

Sometimes you just can't get the staff....

When You Have Too Much Time...

OK so everyone starts doing this blogging thing right, and you think "Oh really, don't you have better things to do...?". Then one lonely Monday evening, when your sitting around, relaxing suddenly something grabs you....with cold, wet, slimy hands it whispers in your ear..."Create a blog, and they will read". So low and behold I do it, delighted to discover that Chep then lets go of me and dries her hands (bless her). Not that i don't relish the delights of a good pair of cold, wet, slimy hands but there is a time and a place...

Welcome my children, together we shall laugh and cry, both at the same time to the same things...what a wonderful world the Internet is......CUT!